Precip 0%, the weather report reads. Still a little cloudy. Still clearing after all the rain storms. The ground is still very wet. Puddles and mud abound.
I need to “weather” it better. This system isn’t going away soon. It is going to take time to clear. I don’t know how long. I need to get to higher ground and stay there. It took me by surprise and it shouldn’t have. These things had happened hundreds of times before. Unconsciousness had been my motis operandi for so long. I wanted it to be what I wanted it to be. And…it wasn’t.
Abusing food kept me from dealing with what was right before me. Before that religion, religious activities, religious people and remaining busy doing, constantly, kept me sufficiently distracted. These very things distanced me from my Creator and from the Truth that would begin healing and sustain it.
I see it now. I didn’t then.
Now they are gone. Things are more clear. Painfully so. Hard on the eyes. My eyes are still adjusting to the light and there is no where to go but through. Through……….
When I was a child, so long ago, I learned some variation of this song:
Goin’ on a bear hunt (repeat)
I’m not afraid (repeat)
Got a real good friend
(children hug each other during this part…repeat)
By my side (repeat)
Oh, Oh (repeat)
What do I see? (repeat)
Oh look! It’s some tall grass! (repeat)
Can’t go over it (repeat)
Can’t go under it (repeat)
Can’t go around it (repeat)
Got to go through it
(repeat… Make motions with arms like you are clearing a way thru grass)
Got to go through it. Isn’t that the truth. There is no other way there but through. I wish there was. I looked for the other way for years, but it comes down to that. The hard, cold truth is that there is no other way there but through, with everything. I just need to find peace, consistently, in the “through” as I travel this journey. Today, that is my prayer.
Today I have Pilates. Weight remains unchanged. Did not check my blood sugar this morning.