Count down has begun and in the process things have been tense. It has been a week of intensity. It is in the air and it has been a battle to remain non reactive to that energy all around me. I am in “internal” reactor so you’d never know it looking at me, and try as I might to prevent it, my body is testifying to the stress. It made me good at my job when I worked in emergency medicine and I was young enough not to be cognizant of the impact of the trauma around me to my health. Not the case anymore. I am very aware. Part of it, I am sure, is my own processing of all that is occurred in the past and that which is about to occur. The past and the future, that which in quantum time, no longer exist or perhaps won’t, have dominated my thoughts. I have had trouble remaining present this week as a result and that has been a bit paralyzing and has made getting things accomplished difficult. And it has made me very, very tired. My mind seems intent on obsessing. I don’t know why I get like that exactly. Maybe, in time, that will be revealed. I wonder sometimes how much our mind manifests in the form of perception and how much of that is accurate or simply invention. It would be nice if it could be measured and we could switch off that which was false or not reality. It seems like a tremendous waste of energy. None the less, it has been a wrestling of sorts as we gear up to admit our adopted son into a residential treatment facility for the treatment of reactive attachment disorder. All I can do is keep moving and that is what I intend to do.
Have a good day!