(Originally written in September of 2015 by April M. Novoa)
The Spiritual condition is central, in some way, shape or form, to all of the physical ailments and conditions we find ourselves suffering with. This is my firm belief after many years of trying desperately to address raging fires, mine and others, with little squirt guns full of herbs, supplements and nutrition and prior to that with drugs and surgery. Not that these things do not have merit, at times, but they are not central to true healing. So, I hope you will indulge me in these thoughts, understanding that I cannot look at this journey to health by merely observing the surface and accepting the outward conclusion that things “just happen”, when they don’t.
So moving on…..
This realization has been building over the past few years. I am beginning to understand this like never before:
To him Yeshua said, “No one who puts his hand to the plow and keeps looking back is fit to serve in the Kingdom of God.” Luke 9:62
All of my life I have had an unhealthy attachment to many things that I interpreted and believed to be an expression of love.
Unfortunately for me, attachment isn’t love. Attachment is just the opposite. The culture I was raised in and still live in perpetuates this misinformation and our egos readily accept it as truth. It makes sense to us. It makes sense to us because we are flawed. Attachment has resulted in untold suffering from the dawn of time. Truly, attachment is the root of all suffering.
The story of Abraham and the sacrifice of Issac has been looked at from many different angles over the ages. I dare say I think I have heard most of them. This story always puzzled me. The explanations puzzled me even more than the story. I think that is because I was looking at it from my own limited perspective and from the surface. I think that is because I was also trying to understand it from the limited perspective of others and through the culture I was raised in. Our perspective is very limited, no mater what your culture, race, creed or religion is. It is just a fact. Scientists have come to the conclusion that we only perceive a maximum of 4% of our universe and surroundings. 96% of it we are not able to perceive with our senses. We are truly limited in our understanding. This is just a fact. Paul said in 1 Corinthians 13:12 that for now, “We only see in part.” How correct he was! We only see in part and most the time just what is on the surface and not at all the substance of what something truly is.
What is love? Do we understand what it really is? Again, I believe this to be another limited concept that we do not truly understand. Our ego, our flesh and society tell us one version but I am beginning to believe that version to be fairly warped.
Isaac was truly everything to Abraham and Sarah. To lose him was unthinkable and beyond painful. My husband and myself, years ago, suffered with infertility. We lost our first baby to miscarriage and another later on. I can attest to the desperation and depth of pain of losing a child and then wanting to hold on like hell when you finally have one. Let me throw this out to you and please try very hard to put everything you understand about love out of your mind for a moment. Look at it as objectively as you possibly can. What if the day Abraham thought he was sacrificing Issac it wasn’t really Isaac he was sacrificing? What if what Abraham was sacrificing was “attachment” and not Isaac. That day “attachment” was slaughtered, not Issac. The Creator made sure of that because that was the point! When you let go of your attachment, what you were holding on like hell to, that love is given back to you, but this time it is pure. This time it really is love. What you had before you only thought to be love, but it wasn’t. You didn’t love it until you released it.
God is Spirit and to the carnal man spiritual things are confusing on the surface. I get that. I don’t believe to fully understand that story in the Scriptures, and most others, that it can be received with fleshly eyes. It is deeper than that and not what it seems on the surface at all. On the surface many stories in the scriptures are honestly preposterous and confounding. We can not swim on the surface and wade in shallow waters and ever hope to grasp the depth of understanding our Creator has for us. There is so much more if we dare to go deeper and only He can take us there. Your intellect is completely useless in this endeavor.
I was thinking about all the things I have had attachment to throughout my life:
People, relationships and friendships
Situations remaining the same or changing at my preference
Dreams and desires
The outcome of anything and everything i.e. my plans
Patriotism or allegiance to a government or country
I dare say that the attachment to these things, in other words, the expectations I placed on them, has resulted in a tremendous amount of pain for me and often others. I believe, now, that even though I thought I “loved” all of the above, and more, that the mere act of attaching my expectations to them was in it’s essence premeditated resentment and resulted in deep disillusionment and disappointment. Pain! My attachment, to everything, save my Creator, was the polar opposite of what love truly is.
So, what is love anyway? True love isn’t about “self”. It lets go when it needs to. It trusts. It hopes, but it doesn’t have an agenda, nor does it attach itself to an outcome. It doesn’t cling to what is not true. It doesn’t cling to anything but it’s Maker. It is freedom. It is truth, objective not subjective. It is secure and it is strong. True love is powerful but not coercive. It is kind but not foolish. It is resolute. It is not afraid or co-dependent. And most importantly it is not a “feeling”.
I believe after 46 years I am beginning to understand what love is and what it isn’t and what it is is not is attachment.
Letting it all go…..
p.s. let go of another 1/2 lb, yippee!! How is that for letting go of an attachment?! 🙂