Category Archives: Boundaries

Have No Fear….

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feardoesnotstopdeath

“The Only Thing We Have to Fear Is Fear Itself”  Franklin D. Roosevelt

The messages I received, from my programming or cultural conditioning, about the nature of love, was that fear or worry was one way that you demonstrate love for others. I understand that the intent behind fear is often a feeling of love for someone but fear in and of itself is a faulty program and is not connected to love. I have been learning how destructive that “kind of love” can be, both to me and those around me. While it is wise to avoid danger, it is not wise to fear it. Here is why….

Fear and control are intimately connected. When people feel the need to attempt to control others or a situation it is because they are experiencing fear to some varying degree. The illusion being, is that if we fear something, we somehow have control over the outcome. This couldn’t be further from the truth. This is faulty logic. Bad things may or may not happen and being fearful will not prevent that. Sometimes fear may actually cause that “bad thing” to happen. For example, let’s say that someone is nervous (another word for fearful). This nervousness will very likely lead to the person feeling distracted and can then result in an accident or a poor decision and very often does. Fear is a liar. Fear gives us the illusion of safety but serves no productive purpose. Ironically, when we “sow” fear we will “reap” a harvest of many, many new things to be afraid of. It’s a cruel seed to sow that most of us are not immediately cognizant of until it bears it’s rotten fruit.  Albeit effective for dictators, usually for a short season, fear is the most ineffective motivator known to man and sadly replicates itself through out generations in families causing great, great harm in it’s path.

Fear divides us. It opens the door to separation and closes the door to love and friendship. It is not a bridge. It is a wall. People have a tendency to fear that which they do not understand. What they fear, they judge (as opposed to objectively discern) and subsequently hate. Hate creates suffering. We see it every, single day in our world. It is like a cancer that spreads and multiplies. It is behind every evil act you see on the news or read about. We see it in our relationships. We see in our workplaces. We see it driving on the interstate.  We see it in many of our religions.

Fear is what limits us. It keeps us from accomplishing great things that we know that we were born to do! It kills dreams and aspirations and it creates regret. We are all born with a passion or passions. Fear eliminates them. Fear extinguishes the flames of hope and promise like a bucket of water poured over a campfire and closes the door to possibility.

If you think you can do a thing or think you can’t do a thing, youre right. – Henry Ford

Fear creates chaos. No one can think coherently when they are experiencing it. It causes us to react rather than act when we should. It paralyses us. Trauma has the ability to shrink grey matter in the brain.(  http://news.yale.edu/2012/01/09/even-healthy-stress-causes-brain-shrink-yale-study-shows ) It prevents objectivity and the ability to see the big picture and make wise decisions. It makes our world seem small, dark and out of control.

Fear opens the door to disease, destruction and destroys minds. Fear causes untold suffering.  ( http://www.health.harvard.edu/staying-healthy/anxiety_and_physical_illness ) It is a tragic and sad way to go through life.

Fear prevents growth. It labels you a victim. It labels others as victims. It limits and it keeps people captive and enslaved. It has defeated nations and peoples’ throughout history. It kills relationships of all kinds.

We can easily forgive a child who is afraid of the dark; the real tragedy of life is when men are afraid of the light. – Plato

Fear isn’t love! It is the antithesis of it.

There is no fear in love; but perfect love casteth out fear: because fear hath torment. He that feareth is not made perfect in love.
1 John 4:18

Have no fear. It isn’t living. It’s quite the opposite.

Cheers!

April

 

 

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Vibration and Wellbeing

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Graphic of a digital sound on black bottom

 

The Kingdom is within.

Vibration is defined as a periodic motion of the particles of an elastic body or medium in alternately opposite directions from the position of equilibrium when that equilibrium has been disturbed (as when a stretched cord produces musical tones or molecules in the air transmit sounds to the ear).

It is my belief that vibration is the central influence in the health and well-being of all living organisms. It is my opinion that our entire universe from the tiniest molecule to the largest planet is designed this way.  Obviously the spoken word vibrates at a particular frequency but I also believe that thoughts produce frequency as well. Working in alternative healthcare for years I witnessed how many people could do everything right, i.e. perfect their nutrition, cleanse their bodies, exercise and take oodles and oodles of supplements and herbs, yet show little to no progress in improving their health and well-being. The formula should have worked, but it didn’t, in certain individuals. A friend and colleague and I began to question this and we were shocked at what we learned. The one commonality we observed in poor outcome was negative thought patterns and deep seated emotional problems. We witnessed this in ourselves from time to time as well and we experimented with it. We found that working only on the external/physical environment produced little to no improvement, if the internal environment, i.e. the mind, was in a state of distress. The condition of the mind is central, root, if you will, in healing.

The Kingdom is within.

The world of science changed forever when Werner Heisenberg put forth the Uncertainty Principle.

Schrödinger further confirmed that particles don’t behave in a predictable way essentially putting some serious dents in the theory of determinism. Particles can and do change behavior.

It seems there is an intelligence that has a “personality” and can potentially change the behavior of particles dependent on the observation of those particles. To someone steeped in determinism this is unacceptable and frustrating. For me, this is exciting, and essentially confirms what I already believe about the nature of the universe!

The work of Dr. Masaru Emoto further demonstrates molecular changes in water take place largely depending on the frequency and intent behind that energy. Our thoughts and words have influence.

Considering that we are 60% water this study seems important. It is interesting that water can give life but can also produce death. It is simply a conduit for energy, as are we. Religion attempts to answer this and does so in a variety of ways. Regardless of the answer they put forth or come up with, one detail remains constant. Everything is energy. There is energy within all of us. An essence or spirit if you will. Whatever or Whomever created the universe has deposited “it” in each of us and that energy is powerful…..one way or another.

I personally believe in Whomever. The world was “spoken” into existence scripture explains. Vibration. From the beginning. Created in His image, if one ascribes to Judaeo-Christianity, would seem to indicate that we too, are creators, at least in the sense that we have control of what “vibration” we emit or allow to enter. Having free will, we have choice.

So what goes wrong?

Put simply, it’s our wiring, when we respond emotionally to stress and trauma in our lives. When we experience stress or trauma, and react to it emotionally, we become more and more subject to the unconscious leading of the ego or to put it in “Christianise”, the flesh. Anger, resentment and other strong emotions put us in a state of fight or flight, growing the amygdala (lower/reptile part of the brain), shrinking the prefrontal cortex (reasoning part of the brain). Unable to access fully the reasoning part of our brain we are then unable to access the “eye”.  Not your physical eyes (plural), but the one (singular) (Jesus) Yeshua speaks of in Matthew 6:22, Luke 11:34, Gospel of Thomas saying 24. This is describing consciousness or a lack thereof. It is my belief, and many share it, that this is at least partially referring to the pineal gland. Negative thought patterns and words are the result of the fight or flight responsive. They are the animal residing in our heads (amygdala) attempt at self preservation. This works well for animals but not for us. Unfortunately, in the human being, negative thought patterns and spoken words have a profoundly damaging impact on one’s well-being and the well-being of those one influences. Our words and even our thoughts are of the utmost importance. Addressing externals, or modifying behavior, is not effective long term. The internal environment needs to be cleansed and healed of the poison that damaged it in the first place. We need to become the watcher on our own walls, the walls of the Kingdom that is within!

There is a way.

Next time!

Cheers!

April

 

 

Letter to 20 year old me….

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47 today

Hello 47.

I am OK with that.

Better than OK!

 I am grateful for every day and I am grateful to be comfortable in my own skin. It is so strange that 30 years ago I wasn’t, yet not many would have known that. It was the journey I had to take and I am happy  and grateful to have found “now”.

I spent over two decades trying to be someone that I wasn’t and fit societies standards and expectations. My 40’s have been a time of getting to know the real me, heal and find the kingdom that is within. What a journey!

What would I tell the 20 year old me?

*Stop trying to get the approval of others and please everyone. Especially the ones that don’t see beauty in what you offer. Lovingly, move on from those folks.

*Love you and the skin you are in.You are magnificently made in the image of the Creator of the Universe!

*Understand that everything is temporary and don’t take things so seriously. Laugh as much as you can!

*Nothing is personal. People only behave at the level of consciousness they posses and by and large this world is a very unconscious place. Don’t take things personally.

*Let go, always. Attachment is not love.

*People will misjudge you. You will misjudge others. We are by and large egocentric creatures that typically see others as we see ourselves. Our perceptions are frequently flawed and inaccurate. Withhold judgement because you can’t and don’t fully understand others or what their journey is specifically about and don’t personalize it when they judge you as they simply do not know to do better. We all only see in part.

*Be present in every moment and don’t resist difficulties but work with them, dissect them and search out what understanding they bring.

*Slow down. You don’t need to react emotionally. Learn to be objective and seek Truth. If you seek it you will find it even if it is just a little at a time.

*Patience will save you a lot of grief. ❤️

Aging can be a wonderful thing when you accept it with the correct perspective. 🌸🌸🌸🌸 #birthdayhair #thekingdomiswithin #gratitude

Meat Bag and the Goad

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goad

 

Weird title but it kind of gets your attention, does it not?

This is going to be short…..because it is simple, but it’s not. It is a paradox. It is an easy concept that confounds many of us. Like all great truths. I had coffee with a friend this week and during that conversation I finally understood a concept that I haven’t been able to receive fully until recently. I am writing to myself as much to anyone who can hear this. It is a hard truth to accept and I mentally wrestle with it. We all struggle with us. If you don’t I applaud you. You are a lot further down the road than I am. I think embracing this truth is truly the only way to be free of much of what trips us up in life and causes us to suffer. My ego is not a fan but here it goes:

Being a victim of your circumstances is a mindset, not a reality. Jesus asked what can they do to you? They can only kill your body. You are not your body. (paraphrased Luke 12:4) In other words, you are a spirit hanging out in a meat bag for a number of years and you are only a victim if you mentally accept that role or ‘story’. Victim-hood, while painful, is a mental fabrication according to Jesus/Yeshua. Ouch.

A victim accepts ‘the story’ that he has no choices and in turn feels powerless. The story is generated by the ego a.k.a the flesh. That powerlessness he feels fuels his anger and his anger brings destruction to him or those around him. The victim, in time, always becomes the victimizer. Most of the time he will victimize himself with self destructive behavior, because it is more socially acceptable, or he will lash out and victimize others. This is the story of mankind, from the beginning, and is an easily observed truth, throughout all of history, all cultures and all religions. The truth is we all have choices. Three, in fact. Two will free us. One will enslave us. The ego/flesh would tell us otherwise because it wants to rehash the story it tells us to support said victim mentality. If two of the following choices are made then the story is defeated. The story ends. It’s teller is silenced, or at least this time, it will try again. :/

3 choices:

Make a decision to change the situation. Take action. Create a boundary or leave the situation. Most of the time this is possible, but sometimes it is not. Act, if it is wise.

Acceptance. Let go of the attachment to an agenda and or expectations and stop resisting, mentally. Surrender to Reality and stop ‘kicking against the goad’. There are some situations where this is the only option and the only way to become free. Rest.

Suffer. Resist or react to your circumstances. .

Well, that was enough to chew on this week. I am choking on this one just a bit.

Cheers!

Bees and Wasps…

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bees and wasps

 

I am definitely not an expert when it comes to insects. I know very little, in fact, except for what I have observed and experienced since moving here 18 years ago. Georgia has a lot of bugs and I just see yellow and black and I know there is a stinger there somewhere! It is spring here in Georgia and George and I, my companion of the canine sort, have been getting out and walking around the neighborhood. In doing so we have seen our fair share of bees and wasps or wasps and bees. Whichever. You know, things with stingers! Everything is blooming and it is beautiful but that means bees, wasps and other biting insects are buzzing around. So far we have experienced no stings, despite George’s nosy behavior, (must smell, all things, everywhere) but I am keeping my eyes open none the less. My husband has had the painful and unfortunate experience of being stung, a few years in a row now, by a yellow jacket, a kind of a vicious wasp like creature that lives in the dirt here. So I am diligent to keep my eyes on the ground when we take our walks. The bites he received caused his leg to swell up twice it’s size and it was very painful. 😦

For a good part of my life I have been a bit of a trusting person and a fairly open book to those that get to know me well. I have tended to believe that people wouldn’t cross certain lines or do certain things because I wouldn’t. That has been painful at times. And it is child like “magical thinking”. Like a dear friend says, “we see people how we are.” It is a fairly egocentric way to look at people and we are all egocentric to some degree. We believe people believe like us, think like us, react like us and so on. We tend to develop an attachment to these ideas or expectations. That being said I have been caught off guard by the behavior of many people at times for that very reason. Shocked really. When that happens I never really see it coming, and some things that have occurred still really puzzle me to this day. I guess my intuition was on the fritz or something and I just didn’t expect it  because I thought I had a firm understanding of who that person was. Maybe it was more about who I wanted them to be. None the less, that is a mistake I have made consistently and I’d really like to prevent it in the future. Walking makes a person think and ponder things and I wondered why people sometimes “sting you” when you least expect it and this week bees and wasps came to mind.

Bees are funny little creatures.  They are really methodical, organized and all about family. They just want to do their jobs and go home. They don’t have much of a social life outside of the hive and they thrive on togetherness with loved ones. They just want to build and maintain their hive, take care of the kids and make their honey. They really are not very conscious of others that are not bees and often see those that are different than them as a bit of threat. And quite honestly, sometimes, others are a bit of a threat to them. History has proven this to the bee and that is all he really has to go on, being a bee and all. It seems others like his honey and do try to take it at great expense to him and the hive. This kind of pisses the little bee off, quite frankly. It can cause the bee to become a little hypersensitive at times and very reactive to anyone that crosses his path or especially gets near the hive. People and animals often get stung, erroneously, because of the flawed perception of the bee, when they accidentally cross his path. But can you blame the bee, really? He doesn’t have the capacity to make observations or ask questions, he just sees a possible threat. All he has is his experience to go by and a deep desire to protect those whom he loves. The little bee will die to protect his loved ones and the hive and once he stings someone it will mean certain death for him. The bee has no regard for his own life. He is about his family. He is about the hive. You truly have to respect bees. They have very important jobs and without them we would be in serious trouble. Their shrinking population is having terrible consequences for our agriculture. Their presence is very crucial and we really, really need them. Bees don’t have the ability or the luxury to be objective as they are not conscious beings. They will sting when they perceive a threat, period, right or wrong, and always in the interest of protecting what is dear to them. Most people that “sting” are like the bee. They have lost objectivity, unable to see the whole picture and are just trying to protect what they perceive is being threatened. When you get stung by this type of person try to understand his or her perspective and understand that it is likely very limited because of painful, past experiences and history. This kind of individual is not “bad”. They are just very unaware. You might do the same thing in his or her shoes and most likely have at one point or another. We are all bees sometimes. But, do be wise and protect yourself.

Wasps are different in my opinion and very likely in the opinion of those who have had the unfortunate experience of accidentally crossing them. I truly don’t understand the reason for wasps if I am honest. I quite dislike them. I have been known to use some very unsavory vocabulary regarding them. Let’s get something straight. Wasps are not nice! Wasps do not sacrifice themselves when they sting you, for them it isn’t about that! If they can manage it they do not bite you just once. They keep coming! Wasps seem to enjoy hurting people and animals and bite over and over until you can get away from them. (again, I am not a insect expert, just drawing a comparison). Wasps are self serving, vicious, calculating and vindictive! (In my opinion) If you have ever experienced being stung by one you know how relentless they can be. The aftermath is extremely painful and it can take a while to heal after being attacked by a wasp! It is the gift that keeps on giving! While I think most people can be bees, from time to time, I do believe there are a small minority that fit into the wasp category. If you have ever met one, and experienced their wrath, you will understand what I mean. If you are under the impression they don’t exist or are really just misunderstood then I can guarantee you will experience one, one day. Sorry, I used to think that way too and that kind of thinking tends to draw them to you. Bees just want to be left alone. Wasps clearly want a fight and they look for the most vulnerable, trusting and unsuspecting person or animal to attack. I guess by now you know I am not really writing about insects.

It is not really my job, nor should it be, to label who is a bee and who is wasp and honestly they can be difficult to tell apart. If I can help it, I won’t be getting that close. I will leave that to my Creator. He is the Judge. What I do need to do is be wise either way. Both sting but I need to stop assuming I understand a person, one way or another, and just be aware, awake and vigilant. Just like long sleeves, a hat and a nice pair of thick Levis make one less vulnerable to being stung, appropriate boundaries in my own life are probably the best way to protect myself and those whom I care about from stings. Aggressive behavior on my part, stinging back, will stir up and anger both the bee and the wasp, so the important thing is to give them their space and carefully observe them from a good distance. There might also be a time to be defensive and take action but only if necessary. In time maybe I will figure out which is which but safety comes first. The important thing is to not put myself or others in a position to be injured. That is wisdom and love in tandem and I am hopeful the next time I happen upon something with a stinger I will see it before it sees me.

Cheers!

April