Tag Archives: Jesus

Out to IN

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Disclaimer: If you consider yourself a religious person and you would prefer to hang on to that you may want to UN-follow this blog and not read the post below. I want to respect your right to not know some things and it is not my intention to provoke you to anger or be argumentative. I simply want to share my journey with anyone that needs to know they are not alone. Conversely, if I provoke your curiosity about what I am saying I encourage you to search these things out for yourself. I am no one’s guru, teacher, rabbi or pastor. Nor do I ever want to be. You have One within.  Find that. 

 

This is my first blog post in a while. When I first started this blog it was going to be mainly about health because religion and the system of religion had worn me out and I was honestly tired of talking about it. Particularly since a lot of the structure I had built my philosophies on had now, through study, research and obvious facts, been proven to have been built on sinking sand. And sink it did. More about this later. I thought I could just keep the conversation focused on physical health and that would work but have since come to the conclusion that spiritual health, directly impacting mental health, is really more important and the first place to start when working to regain good health. The mind is central to healing and the root of most all that ails us and all belief is generated in the mind so spirituality can not be ignored in that pursuit.

A little background…. As a child I always believed in a Creator. I still do. There is too much evidence that there is some form of intelligence behind all creation. To me this is just common sense. It might not be obvious to Richard Dawkins but it is to me. As a child I had no particular religion. I just had a “knowing” so to speak and an internal jarring of my conscience when I had crossed the line regarding what was ethical. No one taught me this. It was just there. If anything, in time, I was taught not to trust “it”. In time a few traumatic life events challenged my security in this knowledge and I began to look to religion for more answers regarding my suffering.  I thought that I had found those answers in Christian Fundamentalism. To be fair I did find some. I am grateful for many things I learned from that experience. So, from the age of 23 years until about 3 years ago (I am 47 at the time I am writing this) I had been heavily entrenched in fundamentalism of some form or another. In the past my blogs were mostly of a religious nature, Christian then eventually more of a Messianic Jewish/Hebrew Roots bent.

If you know anything about fundamentalism you know that it is focused on bringing about the conformity of ones behavior to a particular line of thought stemming from the teachings of a particular holy book (The Christian Bible in my case) or teacher.  In Christian fundamentalism the teacher’s interpretation of said book is more important than the actual detail of the book and in the Messianic or Hebrew Roots movement the book is more important than the teacher. However, the teacher still elevated to prominence and given a certain amount of adoration. Regardless they go hand in hand and work together to form doctrine that people then attempt to practice and encourage and sometimes coerce (no, not too strong) others to practice as well. The practice of fundamentalism is generally less focused on inward spirituality and more focused on the outward behavior modification of oneself. However, more often than not, maybe more so in some cases, it’s focus shifts to the modification of the behavior of others. I guess that is where hypocrisy really plays out and things can potentially get ugly. It’s difficult to control oneself and others at the same time. Without a secure and working internal guidance system (the one we are all born with) and depending solely on a book and man at the pulpit this is impossible. No one can do it and what ultimately happens is some varying degree of violence and in the form of verbal, emotional and less often physical abuse (although that does happen, getting there) for non-compliance or any independent thought or reasoning that doesn’t follow the status quo of a particular set doctrine. Religious people, I have found and experienced, are by and large are very frustrated and fearful. The operating line of thought in fundamentalism is “if you don’t believe like we do you are unacceptable in the eyes of (insert name of god).” What happens when you become unacceptable varies in severity. That might simply mean you burn in hell in their judgement. Or maybe you are just lost therefore redeemable and they might try to restore you by reasoning with you at best. At it’s most extreme you might be simply unworthy of breathing which we see in fundamentalist Islam and saw in the not too distant history of Christianity. We see that play out in our world today on almost a daily bases in the middle east and now many European countries and from time to time here in the US as well. Largely it is all about control.

So in Messianic-dom it is encouraged to study to be approved. Be like the Berean you are told. For the Messianic this means looking closely at historical facts, various translations and original texts in their original languages and seeking out teachers that can further refine this for you. In time, if this commitment is followed dogmatically,  it becomes increasingly clear that there are many, many contradictions, translation errors as well as multiple authors (many, many who are unknown) of the Torah, writings, prophets and New Testament. There are also many books that were not included upon canonization and upon further examination one discovers various political and sectarian strategies that were indicative of many of these decisions in forming what we now know as The Bible as a part of historical record.  As a result The Bible as we know it, as a whole, logically, can not be labeled fully inspired or inerrant. Calling it the Word of God is something it never calls itself. Not to say there is no inspiration, I truly believe much of it is inspired by our Creator, just not in it’s entirety. I hope I am clear in saying that. In coming to that conclusion I also came to the belief that The Bible is to be understand as allegory or metaphor, as most ancient writings are, to be able to obtain the most from it in a spiritual sense. I do not believe it is meant to be followed literally. I believe some art to be inspired as well but it is doubtful that Mona from The Mona Lisa resembled exactly the painting which tried to capture her essence. To follow any holy book or really any book filtered through the mind of man in a literal way has produced nothing but violence and destruction in our world and that is unarguably and historically a fact.

So where does one go from there? If you realize this or begin to question the status quo you will find yourself minus a social circle if your social circle was largely religious. Not an easy thing. I have the t-shirt. None the less if you are dedicated to the truth you will do what is right even if it means standing alone or with very few.

Well “out” was the wrong direction so how about “in”? In other words behavior modification based on books and the teaching of teachers didn’t hold water so what about looking inside? Yes, inside YOU. Jesus (or Yeshua) as well as many, many other prophets from different religions have encouraged an inward journey to find answers and guidance. This seems to be a common and consistent theme throughout all world religions. Some have said that it is the only way. I agree with that. That has been my experience. That is where I went and continue to go to and the answers I was looking for are increasingly and surprisingly found there.

So as you read my blog be aware that:

I believe the journey towards true oneness with the Creator to be an inward one.

I believe that the journey towards true oneness with one another is also an inward one. This is the only way we will obtain peace in this world. The other way has been very unsuccessful, to say the least.

I believe in staying in my own lane and in my own business and that being an example in my own behaviors to be the only way to positively influence others. I see proselytizing as manipulative.

I believe that God, the Divine, the Source, the Creator is present in every living thing.

I believe that the Creator and all Creation is energy in it’s essence and that all the energy of this realm is one unified field.

I believe that energy is never created nor destroyed.

I believe that all religions have some elements of truth and that all religions have elements of untruth.

I believe language and words to be the most base of all communication.

I believe in compassion for all living things.

I don’t believe in a literal hell somewhere under the earth. I believe we can create a living hell here and now if we choose and many people live there every day and will often attempt to create that for others.

I believe in healthy boundaries.

I don’t believe in labels or denominations of any kind.

I believe in respect.

So, for now that is what I believe and know to be true in my own life.

If you follow this blog I am going to be exploring some “far out” things that might be controversial. You have been warned.

Love and Light to you!

April

 

 

 

 

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Letter to 20 year old me….

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47 today

Hello 47.

I am OK with that.

Better than OK!

 I am grateful for every day and I am grateful to be comfortable in my own skin. It is so strange that 30 years ago I wasn’t, yet not many would have known that. It was the journey I had to take and I am happy  and grateful to have found “now”.

I spent over two decades trying to be someone that I wasn’t and fit societies standards and expectations. My 40’s have been a time of getting to know the real me, heal and find the kingdom that is within. What a journey!

What would I tell the 20 year old me?

*Stop trying to get the approval of others and please everyone. Especially the ones that don’t see beauty in what you offer. Lovingly, move on from those folks.

*Love you and the skin you are in.You are magnificently made in the image of the Creator of the Universe!

*Understand that everything is temporary and don’t take things so seriously. Laugh as much as you can!

*Nothing is personal. People only behave at the level of consciousness they posses and by and large this world is a very unconscious place. Don’t take things personally.

*Let go, always. Attachment is not love.

*People will misjudge you. You will misjudge others. We are by and large egocentric creatures that typically see others as we see ourselves. Our perceptions are frequently flawed and inaccurate. Withhold judgement because you can’t and don’t fully understand others or what their journey is specifically about and don’t personalize it when they judge you as they simply do not know to do better. We all only see in part.

*Be present in every moment and don’t resist difficulties but work with them, dissect them and search out what understanding they bring.

*Slow down. You don’t need to react emotionally. Learn to be objective and seek Truth. If you seek it you will find it even if it is just a little at a time.

*Patience will save you a lot of grief. ❤️

Aging can be a wonderful thing when you accept it with the correct perspective. 🌸🌸🌸🌸 #birthdayhair #thekingdomiswithin #gratitude

Hot Coffee

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This morning it is 26 degrees where I live. That is pretty cold for our neck of the woods. The coffee is more for warmth than drinking this morning. I think I am absorbing the heat out of it as my hands grip the hot cup because it is cooling pretty quickly. I really prefer cooler weather because I sleep better but it is the waking up that can be tough when I am sleeping this well. My dreams have been vivid lately and the kind that I should be writing down. They are so entertaining that I want to keep sleeping to learn what the end will be but I always seem to wake before they are done. Man! ☺

I meet the most interesting people while I am out and about and pretty randomly. I ran into one of my Trader Joe’s buddies yesterday. I drive way far away to do our grocery shopping because we try to eat clean and TJ’s has amazing prices on a majority of the things we buy. (This is not a paid endorsement) Anything I can’t get there I pick up at Whole Paycheck, I mean Whole Foods (joke is getting old I know, but it is true $$$), and then head home. Anyway, Trader Joe’s hires some of the coolest people I have ever met. I have a few friends there but this gal is on a similar journey and we talked about not reacting to other people’s drama, remaining calm and objective and many other cool things we are learning. She tends to absorb and feel the struggles of others like I do and also has the same knee jerk reaction of trying to fix things. Learning to manage and control that urge to right other people’s world that is not something people who don’t struggle with that understand very well. It is a meeting of kindred spirits I guess and a cool experience when it happens. It is nice to feel a little less alone. The problem with trying to fix things for others is that it robs them the opportunity to “see” themselves and it sucks the life out of the person trying to be the “hero”. We both have experienced that and are learning to observe and walk away when need be. Bad habits die hard!

Diet on track. Exercise not. I am trying to figure out how to adapt it to my new schedule now that I am working outside the home and still not feeling 100%. I think this is the longest head cold ever! So trying to be patient with myself and not fall into self condemnation. I will get there. One foot in front of the other.

So enjoy this little tune and stay warm!

Cheers!

April

Some Days…

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It is funny how difficult it can be to get back into a routine after having time off. I recently had a 3 day weekend and it was so nice! I was supposed to have 4 days off but a co-worker needed me to cover her day for her so I went in yesterday.

Yesterday was set to be a 9 1/2 hour day but turned into a 10 hour day with no breaks. So I hit the ground running and today my body is feeling it. In addition to that, I am still getting over a cold and it seemed to be better but has returned some along with some Peri-menopausal unpleasantness. This is probably due to not eating as well as I should have in December. I am open book, so sorry if that offended anyone but if you know me you know better than to expect me to be anything but real with you. You will just have to put up with my kvetching for a bit if you don’t mind. Thanks. ♥

This is real life and it is real, not pretend. The last few days have been a struggle emotionally. I know what I am feeling is not real in terms of anything externally wrong. I know this is all virus and rogue chemicals but the experience internally feels real and frankly it sucks. Not every day can be a ‘victorious one’. That was one of the things about mainstream Christianity that I had a real problem with. Or maybe fundamentalist Christianity. Or maybe just our culture in general. Probably all of the above. I don’t know. I remember a friend and former mentor telling me, “just fake it hon, the devil don’t know the difference!”. What a load of crap. Sorry, love that woman, all due respect, but that is a lie. That isn’t real. That isn’t the human experience. I still have to live in this body last I checked and it has some issues. Some days are just a struggle. As adults we forget to be honest about that and it is inferred that we shouldn’t be and I believe that is why our struggles tend to last as long as they do and are even more difficult to get over. I believe that is one of the reasons we get angry and depressed. It is the same in any language and kids are honest….unlike most adults, sadly.

So honesty it is. Feeling rough today. Hoping it will pass soon. I might cry in my eggs for a bit (I am a “Paleo eater” after all) but in the end I will pull it together,  get on with it and do what I have to do. That is the great thing about honesty. Once it is out, it’s out. I think she made it to kindergarten and had a better day, don’t you?

Back on track diet wise. Feeling crummy so no exercise today. I will get there. One foot in front of the other.

Cheers!

April

 

Changing Your Story

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It is very interesting to me how our minds concoct a story around who we we are, based on past stress and trauma, and when we try to change that “story” or alter it in anyway it can be a little like trying to free one’s self from quicksand. Our story can limit us and stunt our growth as a human beings and prevent us from being a blessing to others and functioning in our calling. Our story keeps us in the past and unable to move forward. It keeps us from embracing and enjoying now and as a result we miss life!

I went out to a movie and lunch with my little girl yesterday. Afterwards we walked through stores at an outdoor mall. Simple things, like this, four weeks ago, we could not do unless we wanted to pay a price. You have to understand that this wasn’t just something we were able to do, for most of the past decade. We tried but her brother always made it chaotic so I stopped trying, for years. We pretty much didn’t leave the house unless we needed to because every time I had tried, over and over again, it mostly ended up in disaster of one sort or another. This is a child that thrived on constant chaos and created it where ever we would go. He is getting the help he needs now and we are learning to get used to a new “normal” which we have not known for a very long time.We ate at 5 Guys and I could swear I had never done that before, ever. I have no memory of it. My husband told me that he and I had in fact been there before. That is so strange to me. Perhaps the memory lapse is from stress?  It was such a treat none the less. It’s fun experiencing something for the first time, again, LOL. 🙂

So I found myself relaxing and enjoying our time yesterday and just moving freely through stores with no fear of someone stealing anything or misbehaving to get attention. We just enjoyed ourselves. We were relaxed. What a concept! It felt really good to not feel “on guard” and be in a public place. I could feel a little panic rising up in my chest and my breathing becoming shallow, for no reason. “The story” was trying to come back, but I just kept breathing and it passed, eventually. It was a lie. My mind was not easily releasing me from the quicksand. But I see “it” and that is 1/2 the battle. I know what it is or rather was.

This was my old story:

Married mother of 4 kids, 2 biological and 2 adopted, struggling very hard with 1 of them.

Traumatized from that experience, almost daily.

Trapped and unable to live normally (can’t shower, use the bathroom or leave the room without an alarm set at home and in public places needed to be on guard and very rarely leave the house for that reason).

Almost totally isolated (no one understands this, we don’t even understand this, and we have very little support). Isolation is unbearable at times.

Lost my religion. So disillusioned with people’s behaviors that I spend years searching for the truth and dismissing a great deal of what I once believed based on my discoveries. A bit angry over what I discovered and having been lied to.

Unable to take care of myself because this child demands constant attention. Every attempt is met with retribution.

My weight skyrockets. My adrenals are barely functioning.

Depressed and having panic attacks daily. Food and drink are used to numb out from the constant emotional pain.

Had kitchen incident, after being distracted when son was acting out at the table during breakfast one morning, and I partially amputated a finger on my poor husband’s birthday. Finger no longer straightens and I cannot feel it. It is irreparable. It still hurts from time to time.

Closed successful business after lower back gave out (probably from the stress) and now unable to work outside the home because there is no one to watch a child that is now old enough to take care of himself because of severity of behaviors. So, even more trapped.

My husband and myself have become soldiers in a unwinnable war together. Although this has grown us and forced us to become closer it makes it difficult to be a normal couple.

My sister disowned me for reasons I still don’t understand. That was a very painful loss and after 4 attempts to reach out to her and reconcile were met with rejection, I gave up.

And the list goes on and on……

I am tired of the list so I made a new one. I changed my story!!

Here is my new story and I expect it to keep changing, for the better!

Married mother of 4 children. 3 of my children are wonderful people and revealing how amazing they are daily. One is very sick and no longer lives in our home and likely, if we can swing it, won’t again. We do not have what it takes to care for him any longer and that is OK.

Healing from trauma, daily, and very, very thankful!

Not trapped!!! I can move freely about my home. I can sleep in if I want. I can use the bathroom and shower, without an alarm set, and likely now everything will be OK. I can go out in public and enjoy the experience of everything out there!

Able to connect with people and spend time making new friends and loving on the old ones that stuck around. They are gold! So grateful! Not isolated anymore!

Lost my religion but I am finding the Kingdom, within! I am not attached to outcomes or people’s opinions or misinformation anymore and I have no resentment about their poor behavior or lack of character. People can only behave at the level of their consciousness and most of us “only see in part”. I love them, where they are and for who they are, now, and I have no bad feelings if they choose not to be part of my life anymore. I let them go. This is love. No attachment.

I have freedom to care for myself and slowly I am learning to do that.

I have lost 20 lbs. I am sleeping mostly through the night now and when I wake up, I am actually awake! I am healing!

Not depressed. That seemed to decrease when the attachments did. As I let go of people, outcomes, plans etc. the depression lifted! Growth has occurred. I see things I never saw before. Love this freedom!!

I can live with the finger and barely notice it now. It doesn’t stop me from doing what I want to do.

Thinking of all the possibilities! I am going to find a wonderful job. I may reopen my business at some point. I think about writing and pursuing my art. I am not focused on the “how” anymore. I am focused on the “why” and finding my passion and calling. This is a new way of thinking for me and I am excited to see where it takes me! This is not the end, it is the beginning!!

Learning to have fun with my husband again and not have to be in a “war” together.

I wish my sister well, where ever and who ever she is. I am not angry with her and I am not sad anymore. I want only the best for her and I let her go. I respect her freedom to make her own choices even if I do not understand them.

In fact I pretty much feel that way about everyone.

So that is my new story that I am adding to, in a good way, daily.

What is yours and how does it need to change?

Cheers!

April

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

11/7/2015, Begin….Again

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Shabbat Shalom, Happy Sabbath and Happy weekend to all! (I think I covered everyone 🙂 )

So at the beginning of this week I was catching my breath from a few weeks of drama and about a decade of extreme stress and trauma. I’d like to say I am all recovered now but I don’t think it is that easy. I wish it was. None the less there are little improvements all around that I used to take for granted before this all began. It’s not over but I am able to come up for more air now in a way I haven’t experienced in a long time. I am “more” in my body and cognizant of what the results of reacting to the stress has done to me. My body is sore, all over, especially in my upper back and shoulders. I am very fatigued. Every day the pain lessens. I see this in terms of our flesh mirroring what is happening in our soul. And our soul truly being the only reality of who we really are. So with that in mind the physical is simply reflecting and giving clues about what is really true. And what is really true is that I am healing right now.

So I have been thinking a lot about leptin resistance. “In leptin resistance, your leptin is high, which means you’re fat, but your brain can’t see it. In other words, your brain is starved, while your body is obese. And that’s what obesity is: it’s brain starvation.” I think this might be the case for me. So I am going to be looking at an approach that will address this and the adrenal fatigue beyond just a simple keto way of eating. I think that keto is a crucial piece of the puzzle but not the entire solution to this. I think these two factors, leptin resistance and adrenal fatigue are central to what is tripping me up.

The most pressing issue I think is the stress and that is finally being dealt with beyond meditation. I finally “acted” and that was the first step. Sometimes you have to let go in ways you’d rather not to keep from being pulled under and that is what had to be done. For me and for my family. I think my adrenals will improve now and my body will allow fat loss but I am feeding my brain with nutrients that nourish it because it thinks it is starving when clearly it is not. That message needs to be corrected and I am doing some research into how to accomplish that.

I will be weighing in again on Monday, which no expectation and with the intention of kindness towards myself rather than the usual self loathing. And I will begin, again.

Today, however, is a day to rest, refuel, be with my family and tomorrow to address my badly neglected house.

Cheers!

April

11/5/2015, And Life Goes On

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releaseitSo a lot of drama earlier in the week, then stillness and then busyness. Life goes on and it’s time to get back on the proverbial horse and go forward. I, after all, have some things to pay for. No bitterness intended, OK, maybe working through a little of that, if I am honest. Understandable, if you are in my shoes, but unacceptable to my soul and my body.

People ask me how I am feeling. That is difficult to sum up in just a few words and honestly, being a little numb, I am trying to figure that out. So for starters, tired……..

I feel tired. I feel like I have been carrying something very heavy and cumbersome for miles and miles and years and years and finally have permission to release it and put it down. My body actually feels tired and achy. Exhausted.

I feel hopeful. Hopeful that we will heal. Hopeful that I can salvage a little of my life, improve and grow. Hopeful that we can have joy here once again.

I felt really tense for a few days and I would cry for no reason at all and unpredictably. I felt like a bomb was going to go off near me, any minute, and I needed to duck and hide somewhere safe and there was no place to hide. That is fading, a little. It happens at unpredictable moments.

I feel like I can breathe. I feel like I can fill my lungs with more air.

For now that is all I can articulate.

Practically speaking, I need to get back into the game. MFP a.k.a. My Fitness Pal have had a parting of the ways for about a week. I couldn’t deal with reporting every morsel that I put in my mouth and juggle all that was going on. In a day or two I might be ready to check back in. Shark week happened to come at the same time as all this and going near a scale would have been more counter productive, stress wise and health wise, then helpful. So I took a break. But, I need to re-employ those methods and others. I did Pilates on Tuesday and walked yesterday. I have Pilates tomorrow as well. So, slowly getting back into the groove of self care, exercise and attention to my diet. I ate very little on Sunday because of all the travel and stress. I hope that fasting was helpful although it didn’t occur to me then.

I don’t know how much I will blog in the coming days. I know it will be frequently but I don’t know if it will be every day. I believe (hope) I will be employed here soon and I am not sure how I will be able to juggle everything. I do know that writing is really good for me and sometimes helpful to others so I will not stop writing.

Well, got an interview, so I better run!

Cheers!

April

11/2/2015, Life’s Happenings

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Yesterday we were on the road all day. Headed to the airport, caught a flight, flew to a city almost 3 hours from our destination, drove almost 3 hours to said destination, got our son settled in a residential treatment facility and checked him in with the owners (wonderful people 🙂 Very special people. I don’t know how they take care of so many of these RADishes. I haven’t been able to handle the one very well. ), drove back almost 3 hours, caught a very tight flight, drove home, noshed on some hot wings from Zaxby’s and turned in. Extremely long day and my body is testifying to that this morning. I am very physically and emotionally spent and for a variety of reasons.

Here is what is different about this morning. It’s quiet. There is no white noise machine running to keep my son from hearing me so I can shower and get dressed in the morning without his running a muck. It is hard to imagine unless you have a child with RAD but simple things like taking a shower, using the bathroom or just leaving the room are not things you can do on a daily basis without due diligence and planning. I have to get up 2 hours prior to his waking if I want a shower or really accomplish anything without him by my side. To nonchalantly live my life without carefully planning would mean to open up our family to theft, destruction of property, the abuse of our younger child and all sorts of chaos, daily.

So here is what has changed for us, so far:

No white noise machine running.

Younger child can talk rather than whisper while getting ready in the morning an doesn’t have to worry about making too much noise and stirring him up.

No alarms!

I slept 30 minutes longer than I usually do and probably could have made it an hour.

I don’t have to escort anyone around the house. There is freedom to roam. For all of us!

I don’t have to be in the room with anyone all the time.

I don’t have to check pockets, back packs or shoes.

I don’t have to worry about being baited into constant arguments over anything and everything first thing in the morning when I am barely awake.

I don’t have to worry about that in the afternoon either.

My butter knives and anything with a point can go back into the utensil drawers.

I can sleep in at least once on the weekend.

I can sleep deeply knowing that no one is going to be ripped off, have their property destroyed or hurt in the middle of the night.

Our younger child will have to learn to function in a home not on lock down and also learn independence skills she is behind on because of the way we had to live.

And…..

I will have to get a good paying job. RTCs’ are not cheap. I have no illusions. I am fully aware life is not going to be all sunshine and lollipops. We have a long road ahead of us.

So I have stepped into a whole new world. He will be back in a year but I am not sure that he will stay. Honestly I am not optimistic or expecting that he will. If we can’t function as a family he will go into another RTC or appropriate boarding facility. We won’t live this way again. We are done. I will no longer be abused, nor will I allow anyone in this house to. I am firm about that and I understand this is the not the end of the struggle. But it is a step in the right direction. My family is going to have some time and space to heal from a situation that has been filled with trauma for 9+ years that most people can’t fathom or honestly even begin to understand. People should try to understand. They will encounter these people in their lifetime and won’t know what hit them when they do. We don’t think human beings, especially children, are capable of such behaviors, but history attests to the contrary. The world is full of damaged people that will go around damaging others unless people become more aware and draw a line in the sand.

So if you are curious and want to understand what Reactive Attachment Disorder is below is excellent video. You very likely know some adults that have Reactive Attachment Disorder and are not even aware of it.

Cheers!

April

10/26/2015, The Confounding World of the Appeaser

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ap·pease

(ə-pēz′)

tr.v.ap·peased, ap·peas·ing, ap·peas·es

1.

a. To placate or attempt to placate (a threatening nation, for example) by granting concessions, often at the expense of principle.
b. To calm, soothe, or quiet (someone): appeased the baby with a pacifier.
2. To satisfy, relieve, or assuage: appease one’s thirst.
 
Most people function in one of two categories and often vacillate between the two quite unconsciously. They are either the bully or the appeaser. There is a category that most do not fit into, but should. Jesus or Yeshua was the ultimate example of that. For lack of a better term, we will call it “enlightened” or having “Christ consciousness.” That is a broad topic that I can’t explore too much today but Jesus was both gentle and strong. Loving but truthful. Balanced. Anyway, another story for another time. Today I want to explore what it means to be an appeaser. You see, I use to be one. I am a recovering appeaser. “Co-dependent” is a term from modern psychology that would closely resemble such a state.
 
 
The problem with being an appeaser is that it emboldens evil. What looks like “being nice” is actually destructive to the person who is the recipient of the placating behavior and also everyone around him or her. When evil is unaddressed and tolerated it spreads, multiplies and grows.
 
Probably the best example of this in history was British Prime Minister’s Chamberlain’s policy of appeasement that emboldened Hitler and was a driving force for WWII. Appeasement in a political context is a diplomatic policy of making political or material concessions to an enemy power in order to avoid conflict, but very evidently, it did the opposite. Can I tell you that in all of your relationships appeasing someone when they are clearly, morally wrong will do the very same thing. It will embolden a monster and that monster will create chaos. This principle works no matter what the context. You could say that the world, particularly Great Britain and The United States, made Hitler what he was. They created him or what he became. He was unchecked and out of control because when there was a window to control him that opportunity was not taken and he was emboldened by such inaction.
 
When we make concessions to an abuser we create chaos in our own lives and potentially in the lives of others. That abuser can be in any relational role, be it a friend, relative, spouse, colleague, employer or even a child. When we do not draw a line when a line needs to be drawn we will pay a heavy price, eventually. Initially it may seem like you are winning the favor of the abuser but it doesn’t take long for the tables to turn when they become certain of their power over you.

“Truth without love kills, but love without truth lies.” Eberhard Arnold

Have a good one!
Cheers!
April

10/23/2015, Harsh

Standard

perfectionism

Good morning peeps. Hope you all are doing well out there in cyber land.

It has been quite a week. There is a lot I have to get done and a lot of change is on the horizon. It is rather consuming to be honest and probably will be for the next few weeks. Change always involves adjustment. It is a hard change that is coming but a good one as well.

I am hoping that with the stress level subsiding in the next few weeks that the scale will move downward. I don’t think that the caffeine is helping and I will probably start to reduce it, if not eliminate it, entirely in the coming weeks. Right now it is keeping me going. I am typically a “cold turkey” kind of gal, when I get rid of things in my life, but I think I am going to take this slower this time. I think I am going to take everything a little slower and be more gentle with myself. I have been through a lot and I need time to heal and being hard on myself isn’t going to help that happen. My adrenals are on high gear right now and that is not good. I can’t take any more beating. I think with time and rest I will not only heal but weight loss will naturally occur.

Harsh. I think I have been downright harsh with myself and demanding. It is time to accept and love myself “warts and all”! We do the best we know to do in this world and if we would have known better most of us would choose to do better. I sometimes wish I had a time machine but if I did I wouldn’t have learned what I have learned.

I have to run. Kids to get off to school and preparation for the Sabbath. So glad it’s almost here. I need a rest.

Cheers!

April